I recently came across a simple yet powerful quote:
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” ~Robert Holden
This struck me deeply because it took me over 45 years to truly understand its meaning.
For most of my life, I carried a deep sense of self-hatred—something I unknowingly absorbed from my mother’s own self-talk. As children, we internalize the words spoken to us, especially when they are repeated over and over. These messages become our truth until we wake up and see beyond them.
My reality mirrored my inner critic—the relentless voice that ran 24/7, judging, belittling, and exhausting me. Worse, that inner critic didn’t just stay inside; it shaped how I treated others, even the people I loved most. I saw the same pattern in my father, who constantly berated himself out loud, and in my mother, whose unkind inner dialogue was projected onto others, including me.
It took me years to even recognize this inner voice, let alone change it. But once I became aware, I knew I had to stop it.
The Power of Mindfulness
Healing began with mindfulness—being aware of the thoughts I silently and outwardly spoke to myself. I started noticing how harshly I reacted to small mistakes, like dropping my keys. My automatic response was, “You’re so useless, you can’t even hold your keys!” But then, I challenged that thought:
“No. That’s not the truth of who I am. Everyone drops things. That doesn’t define me. I am a loving person.”
At first, I didn’t believe the positive statements I replaced them with, but I kept doing it. It was a process of reprogramming—shifting years of conditioning by consciously choosing a different perspective. Over time, I began to see myself differently.
The Mirror of Our Reality
Through this work, I realized something profound: the way I treat myself dictates how others treat me. When someone disrespects me or rejects me, it’s often a reflection of an inner part of me that still holds onto those beliefs of unworthiness. The world mirrors our internal wounds, showing us what we need to heal.
That’s the beauty of life—if we don’t recognize what needs healing within, it will manifest outside of us, in our relationships, our interactions, and even our communities. Until we acknowledge it, it will continue to show up. But the moment we start to love and accept ourselves, those external patterns begin to shift.
If you’re struggling to see these wounds and want guidance on how to heal them, I invite you to book a Guidance session or healing session with me, or maybe you are ready to dive in and would like to join my Guided Healing Coaching program. Together, we can uncover the roots of these patterns and work toward freeing yourself from them.
I am always available to answer questions about how we can work together to heal, contact me anytime.